Below are some emails from friends in response to my GOING HOME Self -Sacrifice; Slight editing to protect their identities.
On Thu, Aug 16, 2012 at 7:54 AM, St wrote:
I'm sitting here at my desk, listening to some selections from "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" on my computer while I wait for the noisy coworkers to trickle in.
I just had the distinct thought: "My brother is homesick."
And on the heels of that thought, another one: "It may be that Roger has come to the top of a hill, looked across the valley, and glimpsed the light in Father's house shining out onto the grass."
My heart is with you as you walk towards that house.
Humbly and gratefully,
Roger's Reply to St.
You remind me of a line in Kazantzakis' STEPPENWOLF. Harry asks Hermine where eternity is. She answers that it just on the other side of appearances, and one's only guide to it is his homesickness.
I've described it for myself as standing on a grassy bank, looking across a moat, over which a golden fog diffuses the glow of the God's Grand Palace on the other side. I can see a diaphanous bridge before me but the only way across is to leave my body behind. It is clear that I must take some action toward that end in order to be eligible. I can also hear a sweet voice calling me to leave the body and to come home. The voice seems clearly to be telling me to leave the body, by any means, just do it; take some action to do it because He won't do it for me; it is my destiny to do it for myself. I stand there in near terror willing to do anything to answer that voice. It is all so REAL to me.
Thank you much for you loving understanding; it is always painful, I'm sure, to everyone who leaves, to know that he or she is leaving close friends. And I think of that line in the closing part of LES MISERABLES; the words are "To love another person is to see the face of God."
But, as Jesus makes clear, one cannot let even that love anchor himself to the World reality when it is time to depart for the true home. Sad, yes, but Ohhhh, what awaits.
On Thu, Aug 16, 2012 at 9:55 PM St. wrote:
Thinking of you today while I sat in my truck and read and meditated during my
dinner hour ("lunchtime" to you Yankees!), I remembered this:
"So I saw in my dream that the man began to run. Now he had not run far from his own door when his wife and children, perceiving it, began to cry after him to return; but the man put his fingers in his ears, and ran on crying, Life! life! eternal life! So he looked not behind him, but fled towards the middle of the plain." from ~ John Bunyan The Pilgrim's Progress
On Fri, Aug 17, 2012 at 10:23 AM, Roger Hathaway <email@example.com> wrote:
(this is my initial announcement of what I am doing to some distant and most dear friends)
My dearest friends, W and S,
It was last January that I was impressed with a command of God to do a self-sacrifice. Since then I have considered it a couple more times, each time retreating to my comfortable world. But, the message has become too clear for me to avoid anymore. Last Sunday I had a series of really severe heart attacks; I thought surely it was fatal, but I recovered quite well. The next day, I typed up my last statement of instructions and had it notarized by the president of a local bank, and the V.P., both of whom are Christian friends and know my wishes. On Tuesday evening I had my last meal of wine and bread. I've not had any thing since. It is dehydration which will take me serenely out in six days or more. I am writing a day by day description of this process on my website at http://divinepageant.com/going_home.htm#PART%203
Now, Friday afternoon, I can still move around, do emails, etc., but I am very weak and get dizzy with a little movement. I think it might be another day or two before I become incoherent and then lose consciousness, after which some organs begin breaking down and the heart will come to a stop. This easy out is called Voluntary Death by Dehydration and is legal worldwide; it is not an act of suicide but merely one's right to refuse food and drink. It is a passive thing rather than active, something in which family members can support one by protecting him from medical intervention or other efforts of rehydration. These people are not participants in any action, but merely protecting one's God given right.
My body will be cremated so that I can join those millions of Christ's witnesses who died at burning stakes; they are my family and I long to join them. You, also, are my family and I hope to see you someday. World is a nightmare, but we do have a Palace home awaiting. Oh, how desperately anxious I am to go there. "It's not far, just close by, through an open door."
May God bless you and hold you as closely to His heart as He has done for me. I may be unable to do many more emails. You might tell R about this; he doesn't like emails and I don't think I have the energy for phone conversations anymore.
I'll always be thinking of you special people, my beloved friends,
On Fri, Aug 17, 2012 at 4:48 PM,
You are a teacher FOR God himself...you can still touch peoples lives.....Please reconsider! S and I are pretty chocked up about this. We think you are wrong.........I remember thinking that before and you said prove me wrong and we couldn't...that is the way you were/ARE as a teacher.
Something just is NOT right for me to say Roger thank you for the boxes you sent...have a nice journey. If this is what you are going to do and you will NOT reconsider I NEED YOU TO KNOW THIS....you tell Lisa that we will support her in anyway we possibly can...this means xxxxxx too...this is not a gift or a favor...it is an act of LOVE that we want to contribute for her sake and your peace of mind. S is sitting here with me as I write this...she wants to talk with Lisa...we both know this is an extremely PERSONAL matter going on with you two....so we ask permission first to talk with Lisa???!!!!
We both love you Roger and Lisa....Roger you still have a purpose in life...even going blind can enhance "teaching"!!!!!!!!
W and S
Lisa cried when she read your letter, and said, "Oh, it's gonna be hard." She's afraid she will cry so much on the phone that she won't be able to talk, but she would be happy to get your call anytime, and grateful for your kind concern. Lisa tells anyone that she does understand my position and that she really does support it, but she admits it is emotional trauma for her.
It is deeply ingrained into everyone that it is wrong to take one's own life. It puzzles me that loved ones will let one who wants to die to continue in pain until the body gives up. I know that is definitely NOT what you are saying, but I have wrestled with this for many months now, and I believe the Bible does not condemn suicide. Jesus actually said that the REASON the Father loves Him is because He will lay His life down of His own will. Then He goes on to say that "NO ONE TAKES MY LIFE FROM ME, I LAY IT DOWN OF MY OWN ACCORD." Of course, we all blame the Jews and Romans for doing it, but Jesus words say it was a suicide.
A second point is that from my studies and spiritual insights, I think there is a change of paradigm at the end of each age. Abraam started Aries with a brand new religion of sacrificing lambs. Jesus started Pisces by His own sacrifice, followed by millions of His followers over the centuries, all killed by enemies. Now at the end of Pisces and beginning of Aquarius, I think the paradigm is changing from sacrifice of animals, and then of people, to a new responsibility of each person to offer himself by his own hand on the altar of God. This is very clear to me, and I feel ecstatically happy to be going home. Just as Jesus was willing to leave without being understood, He knew it was necessary for Him to do it anyway. My website presents a radical new paradigm and I know that it is not understood yet, but I believe it WILL be. I think it is necessary for me to demonstrate a new responsibility for members of God's Family first; then a new paradigm can awaken.
I do know it is radical and abhorrent to nearly everyone. I have gotten so much expression of love from the few who know about it, that I feel humbled before such love. And I thank you. But, still, it is Jesus' command to Follow Him that leads me to His altar. I am not fearful at all, but thrilled to do it.
Lisa would love to hear from you at anytime. The phone number is (deleted). I have been so blessed to have her as my companion, and I am so grateful to our Father for her. Now, I know I must go, even in spite of my reasons, and much desire, to stay. He calls. I answer.
I feel such love for you both, and thank you for your unqualified friendship. No greater love is possible than that one will lay down his life for his friends. I feel supremely confident that our Father sees it that way.
On Fri, Aug 17, 2012 at 10:30 PM,
O.K. Roger..thank you.
I/we are working on building a guest cabin right now at our place...we screwed up all kinds lines, math, plywood cuts etc because all we could think about is you. I read all your "reasons" for "going-home"..I/we still think you have a purpose right here. I don't believe GOD told you to self sacrifice...blood sacrifice is old testament stuff....the old testament God was vengeful....kill them...kill them all and even the animals...the new testament God is LOVE...self sacrifice is not a requirement for this God...the way I see it anyway. We don't need to die for God...he died for us so we could LIVE!!! Think about that.
This is none of my business but i have to have my say in this.
I love ya Roger,
Oh, thank you, W for speaking your thoughts and arguments so freely to me.
Most people won't do that. Please allow me to counter some of your points. In
the O.T. it was a sacrifice of substitutes for people, namely animals, but the
idea was that death of this physical life is necessary in order to liberated
from one's own failings. Why? because world is a corruption of God's Design, in
Greek KOSMOS, the word used in John 3:16. It was not this "world" which
God loved, but His kosmos. Jesus commands us to hate this world. It is a
corruption of the Design and must come to an end. All God's Family members must
die to be liberated from it in order to enjoy our first estate, Life in His
presence. "Flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God." Paul says that
all creation groans in eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God, so
that it can be restored to its perfect design. World is an illusion, as Hebrews
11:1 tells us; the substance of our reality is nothing but our belief. There is
no such thing as matter. So, we must die to this world. Death of physical means
nothing, whether substitute animals or people. It's been a long road of
instruction to get us to this realization. So, whether I am killed by an enemy
(God's reapers), or by my own hand, means little, except that doing it myself
demonstrates an understanding that this body is an anchor which must be released
before I can return to my Father. Jesus said that the Father loved for the very
REASON that He was willing to sacrifice His own life as God commanded. Then
Jesus commands us to follow Him.
Okay, while the O.T. was animal substitutes, after Jesus it was Christ's own Family members who sacrificed themselves at burning stakes and torture racks. No more substitutes. The people were understanding what Jesus meant by "following Him." And then, in recent centuries, that devotion to Christ has been lost, no more martyrs permitted. Our enemy kills us subtly now so that single martyrs can't stir up others. What I am doing is realizing the truth of death as liberation. The time has come for each to be responsible for himself. Jesus said the spirit is everything, the flesh is nothing. If one can fully REALize that his flesh is nothing, that it is to be hated as Jesus commanded, and that return to Father is everything, do you think God will despise a child who wants to come home so desperately that he will leave his body willingly? Haven"t I just spelled out the essence of Jesus' message and demonstration?
Of course, it is always difficult to believe that God might speak to another, and even difficult for me to believe that He is speaking to me. But, I've been writing for many years the thoughts which come to me, thoughts that I've not thought before, thoughts which often surprise me when I read them. I've learned how to yield to His flow of thoughts which are new to me, which I have not researched or studied. This idea of self-sacrifice was clear to me last January, and I've wrestled with it over the months, pushing it away and being drawn back to it. I've been a troubled soul because of it. But, now that I've committed to it, I feel a peace greater than I've ever known before. I'm really following my Lord's command, in spite of my wish to continue here, and in spite of a universal disdain for such a radical action. I hear my Father calling so very clearly, not audibly, but I guess it is a spiritual hearing, I'm not real sure. But like hearing the sirens in Odysseus' ODYSSEY, I can no longer resist that call. I am ecstatic with joy to realize that I will soon be standing in His presence, that I have left the world willingly, that I have followed Him. Perhaps I am the first to express it this way. I agree with you that Jesus demonstrated LOVE, but it was by teaching us the truth that physical world is nothing, and we should follow Him Home by dying to this World. It is God's LOVE that calls us free from world bondage, a nightmare which resulted from the Fall. Jesus' death as a Lamb satisfied the breach of Sinai covenant, but then He demanded many things from us which the church refuses to recognize because they are "too hard." We are to work our out salvation's with fear and trembling. Obviously, Jesus did not secure Heaven for us, but He freed us from the death penalty so that we can again follow Him as individuals. THAT is the New Testament story, and I love it. But the church avoids it, for the sake of a different religion of peace, love, and prosperity here in the world, exactly what Jesus calls us away from.
Whew, couldn't stop the fingers. It just all poured out and I had a hard time keeping up. It might be a better explanation than I've done before. I guess you drew it out of me, or perhaps it is a Holy Spirit tactic to reach you with something you might consider. I've not been able to speak so clearly to any other person. I do truly believe that you and I are spiritual brothers in all eternity, and my love for you is unmeasurable. Thank you for your presence in my Life.
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