GENDER & THE MARRIAGE DYSFUNCTION
One primary factor which directs our lives on earth is the sexual urge. The natural attraction between the sexes is powerful enough to over-ride nearly all other human compulsions, except perhaps eating and survival. But men and women will sometimes give up even survival for love of a mate.
I've thought a lot about this subject, attempting to be objective and ask the really tough questions which neither men or women really want to confront. My general conclusion, which I'll state at the outset, is that a truly happy and fulfilled marriage is hardly possible during this kingdom of World. And for the coming kingdom of Heaven, Jesus said "in the kingdom of heaven there is no marriage." It would seem, on the surface anyway, that marital relationships have little other value than raising offspring, and in some way to satisfy one's instinctive longing for a mate of the opposite sex. Of course, physical attraction is natural to all creatures, and we can look to nature for lessons about how it might be fulfilled in a healthy and natural way in this world. But for God's children, there is also another basis for such a yearning, which is the subject of this article.
It is my thesis that during the first half (6,000 years) of the coming 12,000 year kingdom of God, there will be no marriage because God's special creature, "Man," will be a complete being, possessing both male and female instincts and behaviors: androgynous. Then, after that 6,000 year period, during the age of Scorpio, at the time of the "fall," the female nature will again be separated from the male, and each will know himself and herself as a separate individuals. (See the Sine Wave Diagram of history for this) After the separation of feminine from masculine (Eve from Adam), there will again be, deep within each of us, an instinctive longing to reunite with our missing gender and become one again, to be a complete expression of God.. It is that yearning which causes one gender to be so powerfully attracted to the other in this life.
The Bible describes the separation of genders in the story of Adam and Eve. It says she was removed from him to serve him as a "helpmeet." To define the word "helpmeet" properly in our modern world is unacceptable to most people. The Bible story, throughout the Old Testament period, promotes a strong patriarchal society, male-ruled. Women were second to men, and rarely were their names even recorded. In the animal kingdom, we also find males more powerful and dominant: patriarchal. That is just fact; an unbiased objective observation of how things are. That is the model in God's design which is true as a generalization, admitting that some exceptions do exist. It is the philosopher's task to abstract out from the chaos those essences which are true as generalizations.
As we might suspect, during the kingdom of World, when Satan rules, and all things get perverted, gender relationships get twisted and corrupted until we can no longer imagine what God's perfect design might be. Males are so driven by worldly, physical, hormonal urges that we act like rutting elks. A woman, instead of being a helpmeet, lives to attract a male whom she can then direct and dominate for the sake of her own worldly agenda. He serves her, the nest, and the nestlings without ever chasing his own star as his highest ultimate goal.
The analogy which I think most accurate is to consider the female as a female bird, whose instinct is to have a nest and raise little ones. Her nest is her world, and nestlings are her highest value. The male is her servant, helping to build the nest and bringing supplies to feed and clothe the nestlings. For pay, he gets to satisfy his hormonal urges occasionally, and spends the rest of his time serving her in her world. That is the analogy which most accurately describes our modern world of gender relationships. The analogy falls a little short of true nature, because the male bird does not really devote all his life to her service; he only helps build the nest and feed nestlings for a brief portion of each year. The rest of the time, he is off challenging the updrafts near the cliff, or in some way exercising male-bird potentials which God designed into him, often at the risk of his life. So, most of the year the lucky bird is truly free and expressing his exhilaration of life, responsible for feeding himself alone. This paragraph expresses the male bias.
An objective defense of the female's role would argue that she is simply trying to fulfill her instinctive compulsions to provide a nest where she can nurture offspring in safety. She is practical, and knows that success depends on orderliness. It is her instinct to abhor risk; it is the male instinct to seek the thrill of risk. She rationally expects her male to appreciate her ability at organizing and managing an orderly nest, and she wants his support. He objects to her constraints, demanding the freedom to risk his life in adventures or in the defense of her nest. He wants to practice his masculine skills in order to be a confident defender and warrior and champion. We see two quite opposite instincts in the two genders as they struggle frustratingly to unite and work as one. It often happens that divorce is the honest admission that two opposing natures cannot become one.
In our kingdom of world, the nest is acknowledged as essential to our culture, civilization, and progress. Thus, it is generally required by society that a man submit to the rules of his woman, who is telling him that he is boss. She patronizes him while assuming that his obligation to her agenda is inviolate, unquestionable, and natural. He agrees to her agenda because he wants sexual gratification, and because his life will turn into a nightmare if he doesn't.
So, how should it really be? Let's consider the Biblical design as an indication of God's will, where the male is patriarch and ruler. He is given a special spiritual role by God, along with necessary abilities to perform that role. He is powerful, physically and mentally. His mind is naturally that of the philosopher and the strategist. He has a powerful instinct to solve problems, and to make a better world. He thinks in terms of principles and values and abstraction-of-concepts. Those characteristics make him a spiritual thinker, rather than earthy. He is instinctively a warrior, thrilling to defend his values. He will, if he is truly free to do so, select a goal for his life that fulfills his God-given talents and deepest inclinations. His primary goal is not the earning of income, but the fulfillment of some spiritual destiny toward which he feels drawn . Okay, let's imagine he is free to do whatever he feels compelled to do with his life, to SPEND it on his great quest. Now, alongside his primary goal, he desires a "helpmeet," his gender complement. He has an inner conviction that she will complete him as a being, his side-rib, and will aid him in his life quest. He will be greater because she completes him as his partner, and the two work together as one. Actually, she can really help because she has a rational, logical, and pragmatic sense that complements his spiritual mind, a type of mind that she lacks. See the article SEX, THE WORLD, & SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE for a detailed discussion of this.
Our ideal Man searches for the right female to complete himself, being attracted to an intelligent, strong woman who carries herself regally and presents herself well. She also has pondered what her life will be, and has hoped for a powerful male figure whom she can serve as a helpmeet, and as a mother for his children. We might view each of them as two ships which decide to merge into one. In God's program, his ship is working a great quest, following the star which leads him to his destiny. She becomes one with him, and decides to join his quest, to serve the same mission, and to FIND HER HAPPINESS IN BEING HIS HELPMEET, working toward the same great goal to which God has attracted him. He is the Captain, charting the course, and taking responsibility for the mission. She is First Officer, yielding to his direction, and devoting her life to maintaining the ship. She deserves and gets respect and honor for her contribution, and she glories in the success of each day's progress, for she is one with the Captain and whither he goes, she will go! He serves God directly, and she serves her husband directly, thereby they, as a team, fulfill their joint destiny and God's purpose.
But, that's not the modern way, is it? In today's world, her ship and his ship continue to be individuals, while she has her own agenda, her own goal, her own career. He cannot expect her to give up her career to serve him, can he? She may encourage his quest, but she doesn't make it her own, or become truly one with him; she insists on being her own Captain, as though being his helpmeet would be a denial of her own individuality. So, she lives her own life and devotes a portion of it to the home, while he tries alone to pursue that quest for which he felt destined. Whether his unique destiny would bring wealth isn't nearly as important to him as the achievement of it, but in our world, it is critically important to the wife's agenda that they have enough money. She worries about security, finances, tomorrow, and all the weighty matters (anchors) of life. His destiny is usually abandoned, or at least terribly modified in order to provide a nice home and the good-life. He stops looking toward that goal over there where he wanted to go, and he settles down to the heaviness of the earth-bound. In order to make the relationship work at all, he serves her agenda, while pretending he is Captain. This kingdom of World has terribly perverted God's natural design. And even though the proper design is clearly taught in nature, mankind has twisted it until it is quite unnatural. Neither of the two find the happiness of becoming one fulfilled team.
While the above is generally true, it does occasionally happen that a wife adopts her husband's course, and the two complement each other, making one Superbeing who then may accomplish something legendary. Will and Ariel Durant come to mind; they produced an unparalleled multi-volume set of History of Civilization. Such instances are rare. A modern woman is too pragmatic to trust a man as her Captain after marriage. Modern women believe men to really be the simple-minded "dufus" portrayed on TV's sitcoms, where women have ALL the competency, and men are stumbling lunkheads. It's difficult for today's woman to ever really trust a man, for anything!
While each person yearns to satisfy the deep instinct for a mate, the world culture makes it terribly difficult for one to understand why relationship problems are so difficult. A man has a fantasy of the perfect wife, just as she does for a perfect husband. But those fantasies are not real, or possible. My thoughts of the ideal relationship are as follows. As long as I am married, I must assume that my wife is doing the very best she can, just as I am responsible for doing the very best I can. I sometimes fall short of perfection, and then I want forgiveness and understanding rather than criticism or nagging. The same is true for her; I can't demand perfection from her, or I will be disappointed and eventually turn hateful. So, criticism is the single-most important thing that must be forbidden to a marriage. Secondly, I see myself (the male) as one who serves God. My helpmeet serves me. In this way, we, as a team, serve the same God and the same goal. I am the captain and direct the course of our life. She is first officer and makes it possible for us to reach our distant goal. Since I expect her to serve me, just as I serve the Father, then I must always keep in mind this one fact: I should expect the Father to treat me just as I treat my helpmeet. That is justice! If I am inconsiderate to her, then it is fair for God to be equally inconsiderate to me. That places the primary responsibility on me to make a happy relationship. While a man might recoil from such a notion at first, I am convinced that a wife will respond wonderfully to his kindness and consideration, and will become a partner whom he will love and enjoy beyond anything he has imagined. He cannot expect her to be to be transformed into another him. She has her own personality and her own background and behaviors; the feminine nature is a distinctly different person from him, and he must love her for the person she is without trying to transform her. Her actions and thoughts are strongly influenced by female hormones and nurturing instincts, and will be quite different from his that are prompted by male hormones and instincts. She can't think like he does, anymore than he can think like a woman.
In conclusion, it is nearly impossible for the two genders to unite and become truly one during this kingdom of World. Liberal society despises the natural order and legislates against it more and more every year. But those children of God who recognize the truth about this, and really work together toward a Godly goal CAN achieve a happiness that others will never know. Soon, World will end and we will transition into the kingdom of God (Heaven) where Man will be a complete unit again. His feminine nature will serve his life just as both natures serve their Creator. His feminine nature will not desire to be her own captain, but will realize it is one with the male, his complement, and not be jealous to be boss anymore than he is jealous of God as boss, with whom he is one.
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